Holding Space: How to Support a Friend Through Difficult Times
“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”
– Unknown
Friendship isn’t just about celebrating milestones and joyful moments—it’s also about showing up when life feels heavy. As women, we naturally come together in times of celebration, but we also need each other just as much when we are grieving, struggling, or facing uncertainty. A strong community of women can be a source of deep healing, reminding us that we are not alone.
If you have a friend who is going through a difficult time, you may wonder how best to support her. Sometimes, we hesitate, afraid of saying the wrong thing or not knowing what to do. But true support isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about presence, understanding, and love. Here are some heartfelt ways you can be there for her.
1. Be Present Without Trying to “Fix” Things
When a friend is struggling, admittedly my first instinct is to offer solutions. But often, what she needs most is for someone to simply sit with her in her pain. Listen with an open heart, hold space for her feelings, and let her know she doesn’t have to go through it alone. A simple, “I’m here for you, no matter what,” can mean everything.
2. Offer Practical Help
Hard times can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming. If she’s too drained to cook, drop off a carry-out meal from her favorite restaurant. If she has children, offer to have her children over for an afternoon playdate so she can have some time alone to rest. Small gestures of care can lighten her load and show her she is supported in tangible ways.
3. Let Her Feel What She Feels
Resist the urge to push positivity too soon. While encouragement has its place, phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “Just stay positive” can sometimes feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge her pain with words like, “I know this is really hard,” or “It’s okay to not be okay right now.”
4. Check In—And Keep Checking In
Pain can be isolating, and people often withdraw when they’re hurting. Even if she isn’t reaching out, let her know you’re thinking of her. A simple text—“Just checking in, no need to respond if you’re not up for it, but I’m here”—can remind her she’s not forgotten. She will appreciate knowing you are only a text or phone call away.
5. Respect Her Process
Healing looks different for everyone. Some people need to talk through their emotions, while others need quiet time to process. Be patient and allow her to move at her own pace, without pressure or expectations.
6. Remind Her That She’s Never a Burden
When someone is struggling, they may hesitate to reach out for fear of “being too much.” Reassure her that she doesn’t have to go through this alone and that her pain is not something you shy away from. Tell her, “You don’t have to carry this alone. I’ve got you.” 🤍
7. Encourage, But Don’t Push
When the time feels right, gently encourage her to take small steps toward self-care, whether that’s getting fresh air, journaling, or seeking professional support from a therapist. But always let her set the pace—your role is to walk beside her, not to rush her forward.
8. Create Safe and Comforting Moments
Sometimes, the best support is quiet companionship. Invite her over for dinner, take a walk together, or watch a lighthearted movie together. I remember when my own mother passed away, my sisters and I would go for walks together. These small, peaceful moments offered a sense of normalcy and comfort during a difficult time.
9. Be a Steady Presence
Support doesn’t have an expiration date. Even after the initial crisis passes, she may still be processing her emotions. Continue to check in, invite her into your space, and remind her that she is loved and supported long after the hardest days have passed.
10. Remind Her of the Strength Within Her
While she may feel fragile now, remind her of the resilience she carries. Reflect on the ways she has overcome challenges before, and remind her that she is stronger than she knows.
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When we show up for each other in life’s hardest moments, we create unbreakable bonds of sisterhood. Women don’t just need community when we are laughing and celebrating—we need it just as much when we are crying, grieving, and healing. By offering our presence, kindness, and unwavering support, we remind each other that even in the darkest times, we are never truly alone.
So, if your friend is struggling, take a deep breath and simply reach out. She doesn’t need you to have all the answers—she just needs to know you care.
Until next time, YOUR Friend,
~ Jennifer xox ❤️
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