Dear Beautiful Friend,
Let’s be real for a second. How often do you catch yourself overthinking what someone might think about you? Maybe you replay a conversation in your head, analyzing every word like a detective searching for clues. Or perhaps you stop yourself from trying something new because—gasp—what if people judge you?
And let’s not even talk about the way we judge ourselves. Whew. If thoughts could be rated, some of ours would be too harsh for public viewing.
Self-sabotage loves to disguise itself as self-judgment and fear of being judged by others. It’s sneaky like that. It convinces us that if we criticize ourselves first, at least we’ll be prepared for what others might say. Or worse—it makes us believe that avoiding risks, staying small, and keeping everyone comfortable is the safest way to exist.
But can I tell you something? That is not living. That is hiding. And you, my precious friend, were not meant to shrink yourself for the comfort of others.
The Self-Judgment Spiral (A One-Way Ticket to Nowhere)
Self-judgment is like that annoying backseat driver who swears they know the way but keeps getting you lost. It sounds like:
• “I could never do that—I’d look ridiculous.”
• “Who do I think I am?”
• “What if I fail? What if I succeed and then people expect more from me?”
• “Someone else is already doing it, and they’re doing it better. Why bother!"
The problem? These thoughts don’t just stay thoughts. They turn into inaction. Dreams get shelved. Opportunities get passed up. We tell ourselves we’re just being “realistic,” but really, we’re just scared.
The Fear of Being Judged (Spoiler Alert: Everyone Is Too Busy Thinking About Themselves)
Let me set you free with this truth: People are not thinking about you as much as you think they are. And the ones who do have too much time to judge. That says more about them than it does about you.
Think about it—when was the last time you sat around obsessing over someone else’s minor mistake or life choice? Never. Exactly. Most people are too wrapped up in their own worlds to be keeping score on yours.
And yet, we hold ourselves back, afraid of whispers and raised eyebrows that may never even happen. Even if they do—so what? The people meant for you will get you. The ones who don’t? They were never your people anyway.
How to Stop Self-Sabotaging Through Judgment
So how do we break free from this cycle? How do we stop being our own worst critics and live fully, freely, and unapologetically? Here’s what’s helped me:
1. Calling Out My Inner Critic – When self-judgment creeps in, ask yourself, Would I say this to my best friend? If not, you don’t get to say it to yourself either. Period.
2. I Reframe “What If They Judge Me?” to “What If I Inspire Someone?” – What if your courage gives someone else permission to be bold? What if you’re not here to fit in but to stand out and make a difference? The world needs your light and vision.
3. I Take Risks, Anyway – The fear won’t magically disappear. Confidence comes from action, not before it. Do the thing. Create your Blog Jennifer! Speak up! Write it out! You’ll survive—and just might have a lot of fun.
4. I Give People Permission to Judge Me (Because They Will Anyway) – Let them have their opinions. Let them talk. We don’t have to carry it. Our life is ours to live.
5. I Practice Radical Self-Acceptance – and you should too. You are already enough. Right now. Not when you lose weight, gain confidence, make more money, or finally “have it all together.” Right now. Just as you are.
You Deserve to Be Seen
Judgment—whether from yourself or others—only has power if you let it. But imagine what could happen if you chose you instead? If you decided that your dreams, your voice, your joy, and your full expression were more important than the fear of what someone might think?
Because here’s the thing: The people who truly love you? They want to see you shine. And the ones who don’t? They were never part of your destiny anyway.
So, my friend, be bold. Be seen. Be you.
With love and a whole lot of cheering for you,
Jennifer ~ xox
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